Quotations about Coffee & Caffeine

The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., "Over the Teacups," 1891


No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee's frothy goodness. ~Sheik Abd-al-Kadir


Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat. ~Author Unknown


No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils. ~Henry Ward Beecher


A morning without coffee is like sleep. ~Author Unknown


I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. ~Flash Rosenberg


As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. ~Author Unknown


Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown


Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with. ~Terri Guillemets


Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee. ~Author Unknown


Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever. ~David Letterman


Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. ~Author Unknown


Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend. ~Author Unknown


This coffee falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder. ~Honore de Balzac, "The Pleasures and Pains of Coffee"


Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister. ~Bob Irwin


I bought a decaffeinated coffee table, you can't even see a difference. ~Author Unknown


Decaf? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream. ~Author Unknown


Chocolate, men, coffee - some things are better rich. ~Author Unknown


Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm. ~Dutch Proverb


Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised. ~Star Trek: Voyager


Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago. ~Author Unknown


He was my cream, and I was his coffee -
And when you poured us together, it was something.
~Josephine Baker


I've just arrived in New York City. What a place! Just smell those skyscrapers. Had breakfast at a little deli on Ninth Avenue. Cheese Danish and a cup of coffee, black as a moonless night. Hit the spot. ~From the television show Twin Peaksby David Lynch (Thanks, Rachel)


Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank. ~Alphonse Allais


Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven. ~Jessi Lane Adams


Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a vitamin! ~Author Unknown


Deja Brew: The feeling that you've had this coffee before. ~Author Unknown


There's nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee. ~Rian Aditia


I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee. ~Terri Guillemets


Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning. ~Author Unknown


A fig for partridges and quails,
ye dainties I know nothing of ye;
But on the highest mount in Wales
Would choose in peace to drink my coffee.
~Jonathon Swift


Don't drink coffee in the morning. It will keep you awake until noon. ~Author Unknown


Coffee, which makes the politicians wise,
And see through all things with his half-shut eyes.
~Alexander Pope


Be a coffee-drinking individual - espresso yourself! ~Author Unknown

I make serious coffee - so strong it wakes up the neighbors. ~Author Unknown


Suave molecules of Mocha stir up your blood, without causing excess heat; the organ of thought receives from it a feeling of sympathy; work becomes easier and you will sit down without distress to your principal repast which will restore your body and afford you a calm, delicious night. ~Prince Tallyrand


In America you can buy bucket-sized cups of coffee in any flavour you like other than coffee-flavour. ~Author Unknown


Coffee in styrofoam is against my religion. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon,www.wildthymecreative.com


All's fair in love and war - and coffee. ~Pam Brady, Trey Parker, and Matt Stone,South Park, "Gnomes," original airdate Dec 16, 1998


You know you've been playing too much Nethack when you refer to coffee as a potion of sleep resistance. ~Sweeney Todd Lundgren


I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon. ~Ronald Reagan


Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish. ~Author Unknown


Coffee, n. break fluid. ~Author Unknown


This coffee tastes like mud! Well, it was ground this morning. ~Old Vaudeville joke


I like my coffee strong, not lethal! ~M*A*S*H


I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine! ~Author Unknown


Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. ~Stephanie Piro


C:\COFFEE.POT missing (A)bort (R)etry (F)all asleep? ~Author Unknown


If it ain't caffeinated, it ain't coffee! ~Author Unknown


Coffee and tobacco are complete repose. ~Turkish Proverb


I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee. ~Carly Simon


In Seattle you haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. ~Jeff Bezos


Herbal tea tastes so much better when it's coffee. ~Author Unknown


Black as the devil, Hot as hell,
Pure as an angel, Sweet as love.
~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord


Coffee in England is just toasted milk. ~Author Unknown


Ultimate office automation - networked coffee machines. ~Author Unknown


Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another coffee. ~Author Unknown


Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt! ~Robin Williams


Coffee is not my cup of tea. ~Author Unknown


Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.
~Author Unknown


C:>COFFEE.COM error. Contact programmer J. Valdez. ~Author Unknown


Coffee: The first peripheral! ~Author Unknown


I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. ~T.S. Eliot


Hot coffee and cold winter mornings are two of the best soul mates who ever did find each other. ~Terri Guillemets


Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis - a good hot cup of coffee. ~Alexander King


Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water. ~The Women's Petition Against Coffee, 1674


A cup of coffee - real coffee - home-browned, home ground, home made, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream that never cheated, but was real cream from its birth, thick, tenderly yellow, perfectly sweet, neither lumpy nor frothing on the Java: such a cup of coffee is a match for twenty blue devils and will exorcise them all. ~Henry Ward Beecher


Coffee makes me invincible. But when the cup is empty, I return to mere mortal. ~Terri Guillemets


It's amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee! ~Donna A. Favors


I like my coffee like my women: hot, strong, steamy. ~Author Unknown


Retirement is one great big giant coffee break. ~Author Unknown


My blood type is Folgers. ~Author Unknown


All the coffee in Columbia won't make me a morning person. ~Author Unknown


Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors? ~Author Unknown


I don't understand decaf, it's like sex without the sex. ~A.C. Van Cherub


Nothing is sad on a beautiful morning save to look down and realize you just had the last sip of coffee and the mug sits indifferently empty. ~Terri Guillemets


Don't laugh at the coffee. Some day you, too, may be old and weak. ~Author Unknown


It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. I bet this kind of thing does not happen to heroin addicts. I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles. ~Dave Barry


COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled. ~Author Unknown


Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical. ~Jonathan Swift


I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter. ~Author Unknown


The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself. ~Mark Helprin,Memoir from Antproof Case, 1995


RISING.SUN detected: (A)nother coffee, (C)old shower, (S)leep? ~Author Unknown


A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. ~Paul Erdos


Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. ~Alex Levine


I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up. ~From the television show Will and Grace


Caffeine Allocation Error: COFFEE.SYS missing, Programmer halted. ~Author Unknown


if(pot.coffee=EMPTY) {programmer->;brain=OFF}; ~Author Unknown


Docs? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with? ~Author Unknown


Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh


Given enough coffee, I could rule the world. ~Author Unknown


I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. ~John Van Druten


Ah well, a morning with weak coffee is still beaucoup better than a morning with no coffee. ~Terri Guillemets