Quotations about Golf 2

 I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.  ~Bob Hope

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour.  Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.  ~Chi Chi Rodriguez, on his Puerto Rican accent

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.  ~Lee Trevino

Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility.  It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort.  ~Abba Eban

It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits.  I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.  ~Hank Aaron, 1971

Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket:  if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia.  The ball changes everything.  ~Michael Bamberger

One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life.  No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.  ~Peter Jacobsen

You are meant to play the ball as it lies, a fact that may help to touch on your own objective approach to life.  ~Grantland Rice

A golf ball is like a clock.  Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock.  But make sure you're in the same time zone.  ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day.  You have to play the whole game.  ~Phil Blackmar

The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.  ~Robert Browning, A History of Golf

Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.  ~Rick Reilly, "Master Strokes," Sports Illustrated

Golf is the cruelest of sports.  Like life, it's unfair.  It's a harlot.  A trollop.  It leads you on.  It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams.  It plays with men.  And runs off with the butcher.  ~Jim Murray

Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors.  ~Paul O'Neil

Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance.  ~Alistair Cooke

No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul.  ~Bruce McCall, "The Case Against Golf," Esquire

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.  ~Sam Snead

Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.  ~Jack Nicklaus, on why he tees his ball high.

Golf is not a game, it's bondage.  It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.  ~Jim Murray

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.  ~Tommy Armour

Who watches golf on TV?  Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer?  Landscapers, I guess.  They sit around the TV, yelling, "Will you look at that golf path?  Pure pea gravel."  ~Jeff Cesario

But you don't have to go up in the stands and play your foul balls.  I do.  ~Sam Snead, to Ted Williams, arguing which was more difficult, to hit a moving baseball or a stationary golf ball

A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole.  ~Mac O'Grady

Trevino is in a league by himself.  We don't even count him.  We figure when you come in second, you're a winner.  ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.  ~Paul Harvey

In golf, you keep your head down and follow through.  In the vice presidency, you keep your head up and follow through.  It's a big difference.  ~Dan Quayle

You can't call it a sport.  You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass.  All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match.  ~Steve Sax

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.  ~Author Unknown

One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water.  ~Lee Trevino, describing how he was one under during a tournament

The average golfer doesn't play golf.  He attacks it.  ~Jack Burke

Hockey is a sport for white men.  Basketball is a sport for black men.  Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.  ~Tiger Woods

The least thing upset him on the links.  He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows.  ~P.G. Wodehouse

It's so bad I could putt off a tabletop and still leave the ball halfway down the leg.  ~J.C. Snead, on his putting

Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain't no game.  ~Burt Shotten

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.  ~Lee Trevino

Golf is not just an exercise; it's an adventure, a romance... a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined.  ~Harold Segall

The worst club in my bag is my brain.  ~Chris Perry

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.  ~Robin Williams, 1986

Golf is hockey at the halt.  ~Arthur Marshall, 1985

There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf.  That is watching someone else playing golf.  What do you actually get to see?  Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun.  Doesn't that set your blood racing?  ~Peter Andrews

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf.  It's almost a law.  ~H.G. Wells, Bealby, 1915

[Golf] is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.  ~Winston Churchill

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.  ~Ernest Hemingway

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.  ~Don Carter

I'm a golfaholic, no question about that.  Counseling wouldn't help me.  They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play.  ~Lee Trevino

A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.  ~Author Unknown

Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.  ~Jack Benny

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.  ~Art Rosenbaum

Art said he wanted to get more distance.  I told him to hit it and run backward.  ~Ken Venturi, on Art Rosenbaum

One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good.  ~George Archer

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?  ~Al Boliska

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast.  If God wants to play through, let him.  ~Bob Hope

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.  ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

"After all, golf is only a game," said Millicent.  Women say these things without thinking.  It does not mean that there is a kink in their character.  They simply don't realise what they are saying.  ~P.G. Wodehouse, Order by Golf, 1922

When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates.  It's left my memory circuits full of scars that won't heal.  ~Mac O'Grady

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.  ~Billy Graham

That son of a bitch was able to hole a putt over 60 feet of peanut brittle.  ~Lloyd Mangrum, about Bobby Locke

Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists.  By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists.  ~Heywood Hale Broun

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?  ~Bob Hope

His driving is unbelievable.  I don't go that far on my holidays.  ~Ian Baker-Finch, on John Daly

John certainly gives it a good hit, doesn't he?  My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him.  ~Nick Faldo, on John Daly

I never pray to God to make a putt.  I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.  ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk.  I prefer to take the dogs out.  ~Princess Anne of Great Britain

One minute you're bleeding.  The next minute you're hemorrhaging.  The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.  ~Mac O'Grady, describing a typical round of golf

If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.  ~Percey Boomer

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.  ~Ben Hogan

Yeah, after each of my downhill putts.  ~Homero Blancas, asked if he had any uphill putts

When you hear someone shout "You da man," if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man.  ~Ron Green, Charlotte Observer

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.  ~Author Unknown

What's nice about our tour is you can't remember your bad shots.  ~Bob Bruce, about the senior tour

Golf is golf.  You hit the ball, you go find it.  Then you hit it again.  ~Lon Hinkle

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.  ~Author Unknown

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.  ~Jack Lemmon

I play in the low 80s.  If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.  ~Joe E. Lewis

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.  ~Will Rogers

I don't like watching golf on TV.  I can't stand whispering.  ~David Brenner

One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens.  ~Pete Alfano

Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts.  A dinner without wine.  ~Jim Murray

Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth.  It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.  ~A.P. Herbert, Misleading Cases, 1935

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.  ~H.L. Mencken

All I've got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse.  ~Eric Linklater, Poet's Pub, 1929

Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf.  Basketball players quit, take up golf.  Football players quit, take up golf.  What are we supposed to take up when we quit?  ~George Archer

A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do.  ~Osbert Sitwell

If you want to take long walks, take long walks.  If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks.  But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV.  Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns.  ~National Lampoon, 1979

It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.  ~Mark Twain

Don't play too much golf.  Two rounds a day are plenty.  ~Harry Vardon

Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose.  ~Woodrow Wilson

A golfer's diet:  live on greens as much as possible.  ~Author Unknown

Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty.  ~Author Unknown

Born to golf.  Forced to work.  ~Author Unknown

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.  ~Author Unknown

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt.  ~Fletcher Knebel

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.  ~Jimmy DeMaret

May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters.  ~Author Unknown

If I hit it right, it's a slice.  If I hit it left, it's a hook.  If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.  ~Author Unknown

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.  ~Henry Longhurst

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.  ~George Deukmejian


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